The Monster in My Cupboard

Behind the Herbes de Provence and other jars of spice,
Italian Table Olives, boxes of imported rice
Beyond the $60-a-pound morel mushrooms, shriveled and dried
The package of Chinese egg noodles, delicious when fried
Lurks a hideous creature
Not of this world, I would say!
It stays in the cold dark recesses
Just waiting for its next prey.

Monday to Sunday
The days go by,
The cupboard goes bare
Except for the monster, who still lurks there.

What to do? What to cook?
We certainly cannot eat
That old, grey, leftover meat.

There is nothing we can do!
What else could we eat?
Release the monster from its prison
Let us face our culinary defeat.

To the cupboard I go
I fling open its doors and shout,
Spam, oh Spam, you hideous thing!
I summon you to come out!